I told you not to use Lifebuoy!

It... It was... soap poisoning!

While thinking about A Christmas Story (based upon Jean Shepherd's In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash) I have finally figured out what happened to my eyes!

Narrator: Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Lifebuoy, on the other hand...

Ralphie: Yech!

Narrator: There has never been a kid who didn't believe vaguely, but insistently, that he would be stricken blind before he reached 21, and then they'd be sorry. 

(Dreaming...)

Mom: Why, it's Ralph!
Old Man: Well, come on in, Ralph. Where've you been? Mom: Why, he's carrying a cane!
Old Man: What is it, Ralph? What happened?
Mom: Why, he's blind!
Old Man: Blind? Oh, my God!
Mom: Ralph, is it something we did?
Old Man: What brought you to this lonely state?
Mom: Ralph, please tell us no matter how it hurts. What did we do?
Ralphie: No, I can't.
Mom: Please, Ralph. I must know what we did. What brought you to this?
Old Man: Please?
Mom: Please?
Ralphie: It... It was... soap poisoning!
Old Man: Oh, how could we do it?
Ralphie: I'll manage to get along, somehow.
Mom: I'll never forgive myself.
Ralphie: Thanks, Mom.
Old Man: I told you not to use Lifebuoy. Oh, I feel awful!

Momma, you've got some 'splainin to do!