Just glue some gears on it

Check out this delightful ditty by Reginald Pikedevant!



As I read the Gazette to catch up on the news,
Some classified adverts I chanced to peruse.
When I saw a category called "Steampunk,"
I turned to it eagerly, but left in a funk.
For I quite enjoy the steampunk aesthetic,
But what I beheld there was rather pathetic!
These intrepid online auctioneers
Had just taken modern objects and stuck on some gears!
It's simply not cricket!
It shouldn't be done!
But it's clear how their thoughts had run:

Just glue some gears on it, and call it steampunk;
That's the trendy fashion nowadays!
A copper-painted chunk of some 1980s junk
Will fetch a pretty penny on eBay!

But it got even worse than that, I'm afraid:
And as I went on, I became more dismayed;
For they often didn't modify the things they wanted me to buy
Heavens to Betsy! They'll end up on Regretsy!
Steampunk is more than a mere mode of dress
or decoration, so it brings me some distress
To see a metal cicada described with that name,
Or a teacup, a mood ring, a silver gilt frame.
Gluing on gears at least takes effort;
This is sloth of the worst sort!

Just glue some gears on it, and call it steampunk;
That's the trendy fashion nowadays!
A copper-painted chunk of some 1980s junk
Will fetch a pretty penny on eBay!

"Steampunk" refers to a type of science fiction
about alternate pasts (not future prediction),
Often set in Victorian Britain,
But the history of technology has been rewritten.
So put a bit of thought into your designs!
Use leather and brass, 19th Century lines!
"Retro-futuristic" is a good explanation;
Blend antique reality with imagination.
But calling things "steampunk" to try to sound "cool'"
Makes you look like a bloody fool!

Just glue some gears on it, and call it steampunk;
That's the trendy fashion nowadays!
A copper-painted chunk of some 1980s junk
Will fetch a pretty penny on eBay!

Gauges and rivets, copper tubing and glass
Lend a steampunk creation a real touch of class
Gears are appropriate to introduce
If they look like they have a legitimate use.
Although Nixie tubes are undeniably splendid,
They date from long after the Age of Steam ended.
(Pity, really; I just love Nixie tubes.)
Anyway, I hope you've comprehended.
So use the word "steampunk" correctly, old chap
And don't use it to refer to crap!

Just glue some gears on it, and call it steampunk;
That's the trendy fashion nowadays!
A copper-painted chunk of some 1980s junk
Will fetch a pretty penny on eBay!